Beautiful
by Aya Williams
Summary: Chris McLean's Drama class presents the opening song to Heathers with one tiny change. All characters are played by the opposite gender. Note: is written as though one is watching the play, also this is based on Heathers so prepare for bad language, and terrible people.


A/N: Sorry this popped into my head and I had to write it down. If this gets enough positive feedback, I'll consider doing some of the other songs. (Not blue though. That song's hard enough to listen to.)

The lights were dim as the musical began. Chris McLean's drama class was about to perform Heathers. The curtain opened and a male voice spoke from the darkness. "September 1st, 1989 Dear Diary:" At this the first beat of the song started and the stage was lit. Upon it stood a circular upraised platform taking up the back middle, with stairs on either side leading up to it. In the front center stood Noah, wearing a colorful scarf, a light blue jacket over a white blouse, a knee length black and white skirt, blue socks and tennis shoes. He was holding a book and pretending to write in it.

"I believe I'm a good person, you know, I think that there's good in everyone,but—here we are! Senior year! " At this several extras began moving back and forth over the stage to emulate a school hallway. "And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?"

The extras stopped and began to sing. "Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!"

Everyone froze as Noah sung walking towards the right audience the book still clutched in his hands. "We were so tiny, happy and shiny, Playing tag and getting chased"

The extras went into action again singing their insults. " Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!"

Two of the extra's froze with their hands together creating an arch Noah walked under as he returned to center stage. "Singing and clapping, laughing and napping, Baking cookies, eating paste"

The extras sung again. "Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!"

"Then we got bigger, that was the trigger, Like the Huns invading Rome." Eva and Jo wearing letterman jackets pushed against each other, causing one of them to ram into Noah, making him bump into one of the extras. "Oh, sorry!" He said then returned to center stage as he sung the next line. "Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school, This is the Thunderdome" Noah got a desperate look in his eyes and clenched a fist and he approached front center. "Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon"

"White trash." The extras jeered.

"College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!" Noah seemed to be much more passionate about this line than others. "But I know, I know, I know life can be beautiful," The extra's began to move in slow motion two of them heading straight for each other. "I pray, I pray, I pray for a better way, If we changed back then, we could change again, We can be beautiful…" As Noah held the note Heather entered stage left,wearing a light blue polo shirt and a pink sweater tied around her shoulders, and pushed over Courtney, who had entered stage right wearing a blue tartan shirt, a brown vest, and glasses.. "Ow!" She said. "Just not today." Noah deadpanned.

He walked over to Courtney and helped her up. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Get away nerd!" She scoffed moving stage left.

"Oh okay." Noah said sarcastically, moving stage right and wrapping around to center stage as the extra's sang their part.

"Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!"

Noah opened up the book in his hand and pretended to write as he sung the next few lines. "Things will get better soon as my letter, Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown, Wake from this coma, take my diploma." He snapped the book shut with a smug smirk. "Then I can blow this town, Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés" Eva pushed her way past Noah as he was handed a lunch tray.

"Watch it!" She growled.

"Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!" Noah sang this line a little too passionate to be comforting.

Eva smacked Noah's lunch tray from his hands. "Oops."

At this a spotlight stayed on Eva as Noah stared forward, smirking as he got to the part of his role he liked. "Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick" He drolly remarked.

Eva approached Noah angrily. "What did you say to me, skank?"

He leaned away. "Ah nothing."

As he sung the next chorus, Eva pointed at him and gave him a look as she turned away. "But I know, I know,I know, Life can be beautiful, I pray, I pray, I pray For a better way," Owen moved towards Noah from stage right. He was wearing a light pink sweater with a unicorn on it. He waved to Noah. "We were kind before, We can be kind once more, We can be beautiful..," Owen tapped Noah on the shoulder startling him." Agh!... Hey Martha."

"Hey." Owen beamed. He froze as he leaned down to pick up Noah's lunch tray.

Noah turned to address the audience. "Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers, she has a huge heart but around here that's not enough." Owen finishes picking up the lunch tray and hands it to Noah. "Thanks."

"We still on for movie night?" Owen said excitedly.'

"Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail." Noah idly remarked.

"I rented the princess bride." Owen smiled.

"Ho-ho-ho, again?" Noah chuckled sardonically. "Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?"

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending." Owen shrugged.

Jo ran up to Owen. "Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!" She said, smacking Owen's lunch tray to the floor, and clearly enjoying her role. She froze as Noah addressed the audience.

"Kurt Kelly. Quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf" Noah drawled as he pointed at Jo.

"Haha! Alriiight!" Jo cheered pumping her fist into the air.

Noah got right into the jockette's face. "Hey! Pick that up! Right now!" He said, sounding genuinely mad.

Jo turned in disbelief. "I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?" She scoffed.

From behind Jo Eva placed a hand on the jockette's shoulder, glaring at Noah. "My buddy Kurt just asked you a question."

"Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend you're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant." Noah ranted, clearly meaning every word.

Jo approached him and pointed at his face. "...You have a zit right there…" Everyone laughed save Owen.

Noah glared at the audience as he backed up. "Dear diary." He said then he began to sing the next word in a droning voice, holding out as others chimed in."why."

Courtney sighed as she sang her line. "Why do they hate me?"

Owen curled his arms around himself. "Why don't I fight back?"

Jo smirked. "Why do I act like such a creep?"

"Why…" Noah reiterated,

"Why won't he date me?" Owen wondered.

"Why did I hit him? Eva sang.

"Why do I cry myself to sleep?" Heather sang with a couple extras.

"Why…" Noah sang exasperatedly.

Everyone began to sing together, save Noah. "Somebody hug me!, Somebody fix me!, Somebody save me!"

Noah joined in, "Send me a sign, God!, Give me some hope, here!, Something to live for!"

The lights dimmed, a red, and blue light show began over the background giving the scene an almost dreamlike quality. The extras lined up in two parallel line and created an archway of lunch trays removing each one as the musical's namesake entered the scene.

On the left was Topher wearing a white and yellow checked dress jacket over a dark yellow blouse, a skirt that matched the jacket, yellow socks and white flats. On the right was Justin wearing a light green pinstripe dress jacket over a white blouse, a black skirt, Green ombre striped socks, and black heels. In the middle was Alejandro, his hair in a red scrunchie, wearing a red dress jacket with gold buttons close over a white blouse, a black and white plaid skirt, red, white and black argyle socks, and white shoes.

"Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!" The extras sang.

"And then there's the Heathers they float above it all." Noah noted.

The three boys spun around as the extras sang the next line, posing at the end of it.. "I love Heather, Heather, and Heather."

Topher moved to the center stage, the spotlight following him, as Noah introduced his character to the audience. He was posing clearly soaking in the attention. " Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded—he sells engagement rings."

Justin moved center stage to stand right of Topher, leaving a space between them as Noah introduced his character. "Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants"

Alejandro moved to the space between the other two as Noah finished his introductions. "And Heather Chandler, the Almighty" He paused, looking like he was struggling not to smirk. "She is a mythic bitch" Alejandro blew a kiss towards the audience."They're solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed, I would give anything to be like that."

The surrounding group turned towards the three boys as members of the crowd began to state their opinions.

"I'd like to be their boyfriend," Courtney noted.

"That would be beautiful…" The extra's sang.

"If I sat at their table, guys would notice me," Cody grinned.

"So beautiful…" The extras chimed.

"I'd like them to be nicer." Owen said.

"That would be beautiful..,: The extras repeated.

"I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats." Sierra giggled.

A school bell sound effect goes off. The lights dim and everyone but Noah, Topher, Alejandro, and Justin exits scene. Stage right is lit, showing Noah standing far left pretending to write in his book once more. Alejandro stands right, while Topher stands further right. Justin is on his knees far right, making puking noises.

"Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87." Alejandro scoffed as Justin finished and moved to his knees.

"Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather." Topher noted.

"Yeah, Heather. Maybe I should." Justin replied with false niceness.

Geoff stepped into the group wearing an open blue button up, over a red blouse, a brown skirt with matching socks and shoes, and a dreamcatcher around his neck. "Ah, Heather and Heather" Justin pretended to puke again, and Noah glanced their way. "...and Heather, Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class" As Geoff said this Noah scrambled to write something.

"Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her" Alejandro said, as charmingly as possible.

"Not without a hall pass, you're not. Week's detention." Geoff said turning away. Just then Noah spoke up,

"Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee." Noah lied.

Geoff took the piece of paper and examined it. "...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going." He said before exiting stage right.

Alejandro approached Noah grabbing the 'hall pass' out of his hand, and examining it."This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?"

Noah ntroduced himself, holding out a hand. "Uh... Veronica Sawyer. I crave a boon."

"What boon?" The Spainard asked.

"Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone…" Noah stumbled. The three boys grinned at each other and laughed.

"Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes." He added.

"How about prescriptions?" Justin asked.

"Shut up, Heather." Alejandro scolded not bothering to look at him.

"Sorry, Heather." The model replied, not looking or sounding sorry.

Alejandro walked around Noah looking him over as Topher followed. He put a finger under the cynic's chin, examining his face. "For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure."

Topher cupped the other side of his face. "And a symmetrical face. " He placed the side of his hand down the center of Noah's face. "If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important."

Justin moved in behind Topher. "Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds." He scoffed.

Alejandro began to sing, as he cupped Noah's face, examining it once more, "And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful, Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, And we're on our way." Alejandro walked around Noah and gestured to his cohorts. "Get this girl some blush; And Heather, I need your brush, Let's make her beautiful."

The three boys circled Noah as each sang. "Let's make her beautiful." Topher sang

"Let's make her beautiful." Chimed Justin.

"Make her beautiful." Alejandro repeated stopping to the right side of Noah. "Okay?"

"Okay." Noah agreed as the four boys ran off stage. The school bell sound effect played. Everyone returned to stage holding lunch trays. Jo pushes Sierra out of her way. " Out of my way, geek!" She sang

"I don't want trouble." Sierra protested.

"You're gonna die at 3pm!" Eva sang threateningly pushing the purple haired girl into a couple extras.

"Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!" The extras sang.

"What did I ever do to them?" Sierra wondered.

As everyone sang the next few lines they once again moved into two parallel rows at stage right.."Who could survive this? I can't escape this! I think I'm dying!"

"Who's that with Heather?" Geoff asked from stage left, where he and Owen stood.

Everyone lifted their lunch trays into an archway again. "Heather, Heather, Heather…" They sang as Justin walked through the archway and up the stairs to the upper platform.

"And someone." an extra noted.

"Heather, Heather, Heather…" they continued as Topher walked under the arch and onto the upper platform.

"And a babe." Eva noted.

"Heather, Heather, Heather…" They sang as Alejandro walked under the arch and joined his cronies.

"Veronica?"Owen said in surprise.

"Veronica, Veronica, Veronica!" Everyone sang as they moved the lunch trays out of the way.

Noah rushed on stage, now wearing a blue dress jacket over a white blouse, a much shorter black and white striped skirt, blue socks ,and white shoes. He held his hands up to the ceiling, as the crowd turned towards him much like they had with Alejandro and his cronies earlier. "And you know, you know, you know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, looking like hell on wheels. My god its beautiful." Noah sang

The extras began to sway in the background holding up lunch trays. "Beautiful."

"I might be beautiful," the cynic continued.

"Beautiful." The extras chimed in.

"And when you're beautiful... It's a beautiful frickin day!" Noah sang

The extra began to sing and chant dancing around Noah as they finished out the song. "Heather, Heather, Heather, Veronica! Heather, Heather, Heather, Veronica! Veronica, Veronica, Veronica. Veronica!" Thus the first song was finished.


End file.
